Communicating in an e-world
By now it’s no revelation that we’re living in a digital era. 160 character text messages and 140 character tweets have replaced phone calls, letters, and even in-person vists. This is the world we live in; this isn’t a new development any longer.
But every now and then someone will get up on a soapbox and mourn the death of written communication as we know it. Text-speak, they invariably argue, is taking over new generations and rendering today’s youth incapable of communicating in a formal or businesslike manner.
Like, OMGZ! RU srs? Wot do u mean its 2 l8 2 lrn to cmnct?
I can’t help but roll my eyes at the idea of people growing up and truly not comprehending that text-speak isn’t appropriate for anything but the most casual situations. If someone wants to throw a “l8r” and few “OMGs” into a cover letter, great. Consider it a form of career Darwinism.
The problem I have with online communication isn’t that it’s hampering my ability to write – in fact, my problem is quite the opposite.
I’m forgetting how to talk.
I’ve always gravitated toward the written word, well before online networking became our default method of social interaction. Just ask my high school boyfriends who would inevitably receive long, drawn out letters analyzing our relationships in the way only a teenage girl can do, rather than a simple phone call. (Sorry guys).
Then came MSN messenger, and my college days spent sitting in lectures chatting with friends – sometimes in the same class – via IM rather than opening our mouths. This was seven years ago, and from there my reliance on written communication has snowballed. I got a job right out of school where phoning clients was frowned upon. The protocol was to always send an email and copy the VP on the message in order to leave a “paper trail” for all communication. Three years of this left me seasoned in business email writing, and a total novice at verbal communication.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to call up my friends or spend time in person with people from my inner monkey sphere. But when it comes to more challenging, less “social” conversations I’ll sooner write a Facebook message, an email, a tweet, a DM or a forum post before I’ll pick up the phone and call someone. My brain has become wired to appreciate and even expect that precious moment to organize my thoughts that digital communication affords.
So you’ve received an email, a Facebook message, a YouTube comment? Not sure how to reply? That’s perfectly fine! Even in the most time-sensitive situations, people realize these methods are a form of asynchronous communication and an immediate response isn’t expected. Even in instant messaging conversations, meant to be taking place in real time, one has the luxury of waiting a moment or two before replying. There’s no uncomfortable dead air, no ums and ahs and other filler, no nervous babble to fill the silence.
The unsurprising result is now, when I do get on the phone or meet someone in person I feel out of my element. Oh noes! This person just said something that threw me for a loop! Eek, that’s not what I was expecting. Quick, you’ve got five seconds to formulate a perfect response before the silence becomes deafening.
I think verbal communication is like pretty much any other skill – use it or lose it. I finished school and entered a world where digital communication was already king, and as a result I never really took the time to nurture verbal communication in the way someone would have been forced to even 15 years ago. This overdependency on the written word stands to cause problems in situations where a phone call or a face-to-face meeting would actually be more appropriate, despite not being my go-to method of communicating. But on the other hand, the ability to communicate clearly through text-based means has served me well.
And I can’t help but wonder – why aren’t they teaching this in high school? Why is it that everyone needs to know the ins and outs of quadratic equations, but no attention is paid to balancing all the different methods of communication one needs to embrace in order to be successful in 2010?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an email to write, some texts to reply to, and mailing list to read. Ttfn and c all u ppl l8r.
May 10th, 2010 at 9:16 am
Sounds like we have *exactly* the same problem. Online communication I can do. Really well. But when it comes to phones I just cannot use them. Sure I can text (even though I’m starting to find THAT difficult because I have a touch screen phone…honestly, what was wrong with buttons?) but when it comes to speaking on the phone I just freeze. I have difficulty understanding what people say on the phone and I also struggle to have a conversation on the phone.
You know me Mana, I’m pretty alright with meeting people, but my mind goes blank when I have someone I can’t see yakking away in my ear hole.
I did a test ages ago…one of those things that tell you how you learn (sight, hearing or just doing) and hearing was my least successful. It’s true – one thing can go in my ear and out the other and my memory is actually shocking sometimes. So perhaps this is why I hate talking on the phone…maybe it’s the same with you?
I also had an Italian nan and despite living in the UK for most of her life, she had such a strong Italian accent and it stayed with her until she passed on. My parents always made me phone up the people who gave me presents for Birthdays/Christmas, but I always hated talking to my nan on the phone because I just never knew what she was saying. Same in real life actually, but there were other people there who could help me translate lol. On the phone it’s just a two-way street…
Tell me to email, write a letter…I’ll do it. Tell me to phone? I’ll get someone else to do it.
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:16 pm
This is so interesting! It made me really think about how different it is for me. Maybe it is because I’m from an older generation, but verbal communication, eye to eye with a person, is my safest way to communicate with people.
Writing per se is not the obstacle for me but to have to do it while battling with a reluctant electronic devise can be a bit much! And especially in English!!!
In my work I’ve been doing lectures for audiences for years, teaching, or whatever it’s called?
And when I have to stand up for my rights, a phone call is my way to do it.
I write a lot, mostly in my own language of course even if it has been more and more in English with the Internet these last years. I write a diary and when I have some sort of problem I write a lot to clear things out and have even made an attempt to write a couple of novels (no I didn’t get published but I still carry the dream, haha!)
On line I struggle all the time, to make accounts for forums and things like that. There is always a little square somewhere I forget to fill in and then I have to back and try again to get it right!
I can really feel that it is a question of what you got most accustomed to while growing up and to feel more comfortable on line or with the electronic way to communicate like you describe it, is an interesting an completely new thought to me. Thank you for bringing it up, it really made me thinking!
But I’m happy I got in to this Internet world even if I’m old. I knew when it started that if I didn’t bought my own computer and just throw myself in there I would miss out on a whole media section!
To have a son who was a computer freak from his early childhood has helped a lot, without him I wouldn’t have been able to do it!
Sienna
May 24th, 2010 at 2:32 am
Thanks for that Sienna. It’s very interesting that Caz agrees with me in that online communication seems to be the most natural, our “default” setting – and your experience is the complete opposite.
I think you’re absolutely right that it has a lot to do with what you get accustomed to while growing up. Thanks for sharing your perspective