Mana's Musings

I recently finished reading one of the most inspiring, relevant, significant books I can remember reading in a very long time. As soon as you’re finished reading this blog post, click on the cover image for an Amazon link to order your own copy. Shameless plug, yes, but this book is that worth it.

In If You Have To Cry, Go Outside NYC public relations powerhouse Kelly Cutrone shares her story of a life that started with a childhood in Syracuse, New York and involved various bumps and adventures on the way to where she is today; that is to say, running fashion PR house People’s Revolution from Manhattan with locations all around the globe.

In all honesty I’d never heard of Kelly Cutrone before I picked up her book. She starred in a reality show called Kell on Earth which apparently showcased life on the inside of her company, but to the best of my knowledge it hasn’t yet aired in Canada. Anyway I was browsing at my local Chapters store and picked up the book because of its grab-you-by-the-balls title. I flipped through a few pages and came to the start of chapter eight:

My friends and I joke that I look like a homewrecker–the person who’s going to fuck your husband and eat your cat. Au contraire: I am a woman’s woman.

That’s all it took for me to spin on my heel and head for the checkout line.

A few days later, after slogging through a rather tedious and condescending book on personal finance I picked up Kelly’s book. By the end of the introduction I was riveted, and would end up cracking open a bottle of wine and reading the entire thing in a single evening. From the first chapter this book is shaped by her ballsy, straightforward I-take-shit-from-no-one attitude, and it was thoroughly refreshing.

Kelly Cutrone tells of leaving home at 21 to move to New York City, against the wishes of her parents who were intimidated by the city and all the chaos and moral failures contained within its limits. But move she did, based on nothing more than an inexplicable yearning to be there. She writes of her first visit to NYC at the tender age of 16:

I will never forget how, in that first visit, the energy of New York captivated my every sense. It was like I had stepped out of a boring silent film and into the greatest musical of all time, with the Radio City Rockettes kicking to the tune of Frank Sinatra’s ‘New York, New York,’ while seven thousand angels cried: ‘Kelly! You are home!’ I was hearing the sound of my inner voice, and it was not subtle. On midtown’s crowded streets, I felt electric, vibrant, and alive. I’d never seen a place where people from all over the world spoke different languages, where gay people walked down the street holding hands, and where acceptance was king. I sensed a purpose and vitality in people’s lives, not only because of how they looked and dressed, but by the way they walked and where they were going and how they were getting there. They were doing real things; they weren’t just circling the town in their station wagons, slowly growing old. Here the game was on, and if anyone didn’t like it they could just fuck off. I loved that.”

Having grown up in an insignificant mid-sized city with not a whole lot going on, I can completely relate. I’ve had moments like that in both Los Angeles and London, and it was refreshing to read another person’s account of having one of those “Yes! This is where I belong!” moments. The book winds its way through Kelly’s experiences in her twenties, dealing with a failed marriage and drug issues before her 30th birthday. But even as she relays the moments where things seemed to go horribly awry, she paints a picture of herself as a woman with an unwavering, deep-seated tenacity – and acceptance. When things weren’t working, she changed them. So what? You live life, you make choices, and if they don’t work you make new ones. Onward and upward.

I think all women need a voice like this in their lives. Whether you’re 19 or 49, we can all benefit from someone with a kick-ass attitude who tells you to quit snivelling, get yourself together and make your life work for you. That you don’t have to be a slave to whatever ideal anyone else in your life thinks you should aspire to, or what society tells you that you should be. That you can make your own rules and draw your own maps, figuring out what works for you and throwing back the rest. And Kelly’s book is 195 pages of that.

While reading it I whipped out my trusty pink highlighter and noted so many interesting passages that a significant portion of the text is now pink. This book is now my how-to manual for life.

In closing I’ll leave you with some of my favourite highlighted bits. Then just go buy the book, ‘kay?

“…This is when I learned you have to give up your life as you know it to get a new one; that sometimes you need to let go of everything you’re clinging to and start over, whether because you’ve outgrown it or because it’s not working anymore or because it was wrong for you in the first place.”

“If this book inspires you to do one thing, I hope it’s to…go balls out on intuition and follow your dreams. Dreams won’t always take you on a straight path to destiny, but they’re usually related to what your soul wants for you. They’ll force you to ask yourself the hard questions, they’ll kick your ass, and most importantly, they’ll turn you on.”

“If you don’t know exactly what fits into your life and what doesn’t, the best way to figure it out is to follow your inner voice away from what feels wrong and toward what feels right, whether that means moving to New York City on a whim at twenty-one, quitting your accounting job at thirty-five to be an actress, or ditching your job in fashion to swim with dolphins in Hawaii. These experiences won’t always take you on an express train to your true purpose and calling in life, but they’ll teach you lessons you’re supposed to learn.”